Missed it.

This was the blog entry that I was praying that I didn't have to write.  I just saw an email from the US Embassy in Danil's country that stated that only dossiers that were submitted in May would be receiving SDA appointments before the closure in July.

We missed the cut-off by 9 days.

And now they will reopen in "approximately 3 months" with the promise of a better system...which is great, you know, if we weren't so.dang.close. to bringing Danil home right now.

I'm trying really really hard to find comfort in God's timeline.  Because surely there is a reason why we feel so ready to make our family complete, and we can't.  Right?

I know it means that I now have the rest of the summer to enjoy my boys here...to eat popsicles and go swimming with them.  I have time to settle the school placement issues before school actually starts, and to go back to school shopping and take Chase to speech camp every day and talk to his therapists, and be at his OT eval coming up.  I know that now I have time to get Guy full-time into his Elmo underwear and maybe even get myself to the dentist (which I've been putting off for the last year...)

I know all that, but I still feel completely deflated.  And simply sad.  Because we were supposed to have all 4 of our boys home at the end of this summer...and now we will still be missing one.  I'm having trouble with that.

I'm having trouble with that because I am sitting here at my computer, crying at the months more that will be lost to us in Danil's life...wondering if I had prayed a little harder, moved a little quicker...what if?  What if?!?!?  We'd be there now.  We would.  And now we aren't.

It's gonna be a long few months with part of my heart still across the world.